*dentist slaughters family in front of you*
they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
(via cherrywheat)
*dentist slaughters family in front of you*
they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
(via cherrywheat)
if gatsby wrote a letter to nick it would be addressed to “old sport” because i firmly believe gatsby doesnt know nicks name
(via c-assbutts)
“Big Bang Kiss”
Lora Zombie on facebook
http://www.facebook.com/LoraZombieLora Zombie on tumblr
http://lora-zombie.tumblr.com
(via dcoronelb)
if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence
(via florenceandthepoutines)
I’d be laughing ll the way out the door
do u at least get to see a dick tho
tumblr user fangks asks the real questions
(via -thegreylady)
I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won’t come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world.
..I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum.
“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”
I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, then back the fuck away..
..Don’t complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. “But I’m a great listener!” Are you? Because you’re willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there’s another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick. You’re like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is “The actors are clearly visible”.
David Wong, 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person (via creatingaquietmind)(Source: ellielamothe, via -thegreylady)
Imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you.
(via santanalovesquinn)
(Source: taeyeon-9muses-rilakkuma-ohyeah, via -thegreylady)
I forgot to cat
Decided to dog.
(Source: ihavemyboydays, via alittletasteofescape)
We don’t like your presence,
Everyone on tumblr*Whistles for hellhounds*
*hellhounds appear and tear the shit out of yahoo company members*
*moon moon shows up, trips upon arrival and misses the whole thing*
Who the fuck invited moon moon?
(via we-have-evolved)
Omfg so if Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God…
did Mary have a little lamb?you broke the world
(via tobedart)
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
i can’t believe this, i thought what we had was special. you met my family and made me dinner. now all of a sudden you claim you’re a “waiter” and you’re just “doing your job”
(via basedgood)
I love how it took him a moment
(via we-have-evolved)
(Source: elizablr, via northnighttrain)
9gag:
Dear NASA
(via -thegreylady)